


Did We?

by LizzieRimmsy



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Fluff, Gen, No Smut, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Short One Shot, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-11 14:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11150559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzieRimmsy/pseuds/LizzieRimmsy
Summary: After a night of drinking and partying, Lister wakes up to a surprise.





	Did We?

Lister was still in his bunk. He was in and out of sleep. Lister didn't want to move. The familiar dizzying, nauseating sensation washed over him; his head felt as though it was trapped in a vice. "Oh... _smeg_. Never again." Lister drawled. Truthfully he'd be back at it again later that night.

Little by little, he woke up, only to see two feet near his face. He thought it was strange. He didn't recall hooking up with anyone; then again he didn't recall anything that happened last night — just a bits of memories. _These_ feet, however, were rather large for a woman's. Slowly, he pulled the blanket away, revealing the end part of the easily recognisable uniform, worn by a certain hologram. "Oh, no," Lister griped. He silently begged, " _Please tell me we didn't bonk each other._ "

He tore off the blanket the rest of the way, and there was Rimmer sound asleep. Lister would have screamed in horror but he wanted to save himself from having more of a skull splitting headache than he already had. Instead, he just shoved Rimmer's legs off the bunk, and the rest of his body followed suit. His hard-light body made a loud thud as it fell eight feet from the floor.

Rimmer, still somewhat bleary eyed and groggy, shot up and dusted himself off. " _Well, that was a rude awakening._ " he thought. 

"What were you doin' in my bunk?" Lister wondered as he sat up. "We didn't… you know… Did we?"

He folded his arms. "What are you blabbering about?" 

"Did we…" He couldn't even say the words — not clearly. "Sleep together?" he mumbled.

Rimmer winced as he tried to make out what he was saying. "Come again?" 

His eyes widened. "I'd rather not if it's all the same to you!"

"Lister, just tell me!"

Lister sighed in frustration. "Did we sleep together?" he hastened to ask once more.

"Well… _Yes_!"

Lister didn't bother to let Rimmer explain; he had heard enough. He flopped back down in his bunk and put his pillow over his head, then let out a few muffled groans. 

"Well, _you_ slept. I didn't get to, what with your obnoxious snoring," Rimmer stopped to see Lister isn't paying attention. "Lister, would you get that smegging pillow off your head and listen to me?!"

While still lying flat on his gut, he pulled the pillow away. Gradually, he sat up a second time. "Did we or didn't we?" he asked; there was a slight tone of defeat to his voice.

"Did we or didn't we what, Lister?"

"You know…" Lister then made suggestive gestures with his fingers, imitating the act of sex.

"Oh, _that_!" he exclaimed. "No, we just… slept."

He quickly threw his hands in the air as if he were praising a higher power for allowing luck to be on his side. " _Thank God!_ " he drawled. "So, what _were_ you doing in my bunk, then?"

Rimmer tried to speak but no words were coming out — he was too embarrassed to form any coherent words. At some point in the middle of the night, Rimmer had heard a loud screeching sound, which turned out to be one of the Skutters who badly needed a tune up. Terrified, he climbed into Lister's bunk just to have someone by him, and he eventually drifted off to sleep. Rimmer, of course, couldn't tell Lister that, so he avoided the subject altogether.

He looked at his watch and gasped. "Is that the time?!" He started to exit their sleeping quarters, heading for nowhere; he planned on waiting in the corridor until Lister zonked out again.

"Rimmer, what are you—?"

As he was walking away he said, "Sorry, Listy, leaving the room — Can't hear you! Bye!" 

"Look, if you could just—"

He was well outside the room and halfway through one of the corridors. "Nope!" he shouted as he gave a dismissive wave of his hand.

Lister called out for Rimmer once more but was ignored again. While he didn't _need_ to know what made him do it, knowing that it flustered him so was just fodder for the cannon. "That's alright," he thought aloud. "Gives me something to do: I'm gonna get under his skin until he tells me."


End file.
